Janaab Ashutosh Gowariker Sahab,

Adaab arz hai! Congratulations for making another epic, money-grossing presentation with Jodha Akbar! It seems your long wait after the box office disaster, Swades, has proved to be fruitful. Even your enemies would agree that your style is unique, for you have the audacity to blatantly commit factual errors of all sorts. And you are absolutely in no mood to change your approach, are you? Jodha Akbar is perhaps your way of showing the finger to your history teacher in school who always reprimanded you in public for getting your facts wrong (I guess). Apart from soulful music and one song sequence that looks like a Boogie Woogie style dance contest (Azeem o shan shahenshah), Jodha Akbar looks like one very long (almost four hours), flashy ad film. Kudos to you for successfully frustrating the hopes of history buffs like me, who expected for once that you can handle a period film with élan!

There were quite a few things in the movie that startled me. Firstly, Akbar has been shown as a fair-skinned, lanky figure; history says he was quite dark, of middle height and of robust build. But your idea behind it was brilliant (I guess). Your Akbar is a metro-sexual man who uses fairness cream to woo beautiful Rajput girls. Secondly, Akbar goes topless in a particular scene as he does a Bruce Lee act with a sword in hand, while a voyeuristic Jodha ogles at him from a corner. In an age when even men were fully clothed, Akbar doing a Salman Khan act was a tad surprising. What was more surprising was Jodha Bai ogling at her husband, as the zenana (women’s apartments) was always separate from the akhada (military practice ground).

But at the same time, I liked the way you exploited male sexuality to register a ‘first’ in Bollywood. While Akbar went topless, his brother-in-law, Sharifuddin Hussain, almost did a Full Monty. And while in the theatre, I could hear a lot of suppressed feminine hoots around me. You deserve all praise for having thought about the grossly ignored Indian female audience.

Another thing that I liked about your movie was the heavy influence of K-serials. Maham Anga poisons Akbar’s mind about Jodha having an affair with a paraya mard: and the Emperor of India tearfully bids adieu to his wife and sends her back to her maayka, only to get her back after the pangs of separation became unbearable. I loved the way Hamida Bano (Akbar’s mother) blew the cover on the scheming Maham Anga (a la Tulsi Virani of Kyunki...you know what), thereby rescuing the couple from singing boring songs of heartbreak, and the viewers from having to bear them.

The sword fight sequence between Akbar and Jodha was amazing! It was heavily inspired by a similar sequence from The Mask of Zorro, between Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta Jones. I hope it actually happened that way in 16th century India; duelling was otherwise quite popular in Europe.

I also loved the way Sujamal (Jodha’s brother) tries to make it back to the Mughal camp like a true prodigal son, but Sharifuddin’s men shoot him down. He somehow makes it to deliver that ultimate tear-jerking performance that falls flat on the audience. And just like the cops in Hindi cinema, Jodha enters the scene after the action gets over but manages to give a few tearful parting shots.

Overall, I believe Jodha Akbar is a good movie. People have watched this movie and liked it because of the amazing onscreen chemistry that Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai share. So, what if it is factually incorrect here and there? After all, this is a country that has always refused to learn lessons from history. The numerous romantic engravings on historical monuments in India bear testimony to the fact that people here are more concerned about love than history. With Jodha Akbar, you have proved that point indubitably.

I am eagerly waiting for your next movie venture. It should be on politics, as I feel it is one subject that everyone in India likes to talk about but is not bothered by it. You can take ample liberties with the subject then also.

Best regards,

Lord Mani (a disgruntled movie fanatic)